Fuck you Boy Scouts

In case you don’t read the newspaper (you do read the actual news right, not that Hollywood bullshit on E?) the Boy Scouts of America have reaffirmed its ban on homosexual children from being members.  Whatevs, I could not give less of a fuck.  You may recall a post I did recently about the “Man Scouts of America” and this obligates me to come up with a statement for the press as well, since we are kind of a sister organization.  But here at sexyasfuck we take a more liberal approach to homosexuality.  My statement is this… We encourage all gay men to join and participate.  “What?!?! Mr Sexyasfuck, are you fucking crazy?  Gay men are pussies, right?”  Prepare to learn…

First off… Gays are not all dudes.  Some gays are chicks.  Some gay chicks are smoking fucking hot.  Your crossfit gym has social meetings where booze is served.  Gay chicks make out.  That is pretty cool.  Yes, the chances of all those stars and planets to align just right are low, but hey, so are your chances of getting past the Crossfit Open next year, yet you are still going to try.

You have better odds of seeing this than you do of making regionals next year
Second… How many times have you seen a new girl join the gym, only to see her swarmed by 50 horny dudes on her first day.  That bitch is surely not coming back for another workout.  There is a reason pussy gyms like Gold’s have a womens’ only section.  It is because of creepers like you.  Gay dudes won’t be swarming that shit and then you can totally give her snatch advice without her thinking you want to plow her.  Even though you totally want to plow her.

Third… Gay chicks are typically strong as fuck.  I personally love it when a chick and me are going neck in neck on a metcon (no chick can outlift me… come on).  When I see a chick catching me on a metcon I turn up the fucking heat.  Anything that will make me better, even my own insecurity, is a great thing.

Fourth… Gay people typically dress really, really well.  Maybe we will finally see an end to all the stupid shit you wear to your workouts.

Gay dudes would not let this guy workout like this

Fifth… Have you ever had a bro counting reps for you and suddenly lose track due to some crosslut bending over?  Gay dudes will be totally focused on your sexy bod and will offer all kinds of honest pointers to help that physique.

Sixth… Unless you have 20 person classes on the regular you could always use a little more money.  Coach Rudy Nielsen is the only dude I know of that can turn people away and still make more money than Mitt Romney.

In short, fuck you Boy Scouts of America.  Way to exclude young kids from having fun.  I hope terrorists rape your faces.

23 responses

  1. Crossfitting Water Buffalo | Reply

    This post was awesome.

  2. 7th – They’re not tough? They fuck men! That’s hardly gay

    1. Awesome post, keep it up. And great video-reply… accents are sexyasfuck. I wish American’s accents (or lack thereof) didn’t sound so unintelligent.

  3. You do realize “this guy” above is Daniel “Boomsauce” Tyminski, a proven, stronger CFer than you?! P.S. love the blog.

    1. Stronger crossfitter? Most definately. Better dresser? Nope. Hope you keep reading… I’ll keep insulting people.

      1. Funny as shit. But I can certainly dress better than you.

      2. Fucking boomsauce himself makes an appearance.

      3. Holy shitballs, awesome post once again. Keep it coming… give me a heads up next time so I can comment on this while eating my Chick-Fil-A sandwich and ridicule everyone on here that is taking themselves way too seriously.

      4. There’s nothing I love better than making fun of people who would let CF butt fudge them

  4. Whatthefukover | Reply

    So if a gay kid can’t join the BSA he can’t “have fun”…vacuous premise.

    1. Lincoln Barracuda | Reply

      Don’t be deliberately obtuse.

      Clearly, all kids are capable of having fun but since this is just a funny fucking blog the author didn’t feel the need to clarify that under the BSA’s gay ban gay kids aren’t allowed to have the same fun that straight/closeted kids are allowed to have in Boy Scouts and are robbed of all the cool shit you get do in scouts.

      I don’t know, maybe it was just my troop. Yours probably sucked.

      1. whatthefukever

        not deliberately obtuse. i quoted the OP and maintained his context.

        as to my “troop”…I always thought Boy Scouts were kinda “gay”…so I just played football instead. Never joined yet I have no heartburn over their decision to exclude gays.

      2. Lincoln Barracuda

        Yep, camping, shooting, and tying knots. Super gay.

        Quoted and still managed to miss the point.

        You’re supposed to try and avoid helmet to helmet contact.

  5. Alan Siebuhr | Reply

    Some gay guys I know about can kick a lot of ass. Fantastic post.

  6. 1) BSA is a private organization. They have the right to exclude who they want when they want.

    2) I have a ton of gay friends and have asked a number of them, “when did you know you were gay?” the most common answer is adolescence. A child isn’t typically contemplating their sexual orientation, so how do they even know they are a homosexual?

    3) Annnndddd if a girl is not a gay that automatically classifies her as a crosslut? Man you have some wise words of wisdom!

    This was dumbasfuck

    1. 1) Yep, sure. As long as they stop receiving public funds and tax breaks.

      And even then, their decision still sucks because it reinforces in the straight kids that it’s ok to discriminate against gays and marginalizes kids who’re probably already having a tough time coming to grips with their orientation in a society that already doesn’t like them.

      2) Boy Scout are adolescents. You’re thinking of Cub Scouts or maybe some delayed puberty Webelos.

      3) I got nothin, not even sure how you inferred that one.

      1. whatthefukever

        “And even then, their decision still sucks because it reinforces in the straight kids that it’s ok to discriminate against gays and marginalizes kids who’re probably already having a tough time coming to grips with their orientation in a society that already doesn’t like them.”

        You realize forced acceptance doesn’t really work…?

        Why does ANYONE have to accept anothers’ personal lifestyle and/or choices?

        Here’s a novel idea: KEEP YOUR SEXUALITY TO YOURSELF. That way, it will never fall under the glare of the public spotlight. And that includes hetero’s, too.

      2. I agree. Preventing exclusion = Forced Acceptance. Forced acceptance will never work. We should create the Gay Scouts of America. It’ll be separate but equal.

        Man. I wish we knew what Burka’s were back in the day. Then everyone could’ve been forced to wear one. You know. Keep your fucking race to yourself. That could’ve saved a lot of effort.

      3. Care to prove that you can’t force acceptance?

        Not that I’m advocating acceptance (which would be nice, but unlikely), but integration. And integration can sure as shit be forced.

        So you’re advocating a nation of eunuchs? Sexuality is everywhere, hetero more so than homo, you probably just don’t notice it as much since you find it unoffensive.

        Dammit Guy, if he/she couldn’t see the larger point that Sexy was making what makes you think he/she’ll be able to figure out that you’re mocking him/her?

        Parody has no place in political debate, they don’t get it. Poe’s Law.

    2. I always wonder what people are thinking when they write shit like this.

      “Let me educate these poor souls. Surely they’ll see my point. Surely they’ll care!”

  7. oi mister.

    im glad to have found this site. once more i have something to chuckle over.

    please don’t stop. drywall, epic and armen have bit the dust. you are all that’s left.

    i notice precious little mocking of HQ in your posts. this is a good survival strategy, and i can live with this, even though the material they provide is so potentially hilarious so often.

    please keep up the good work.

  8. Fuck yeah @ chick fil-a comment.

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